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Fuck
I grew up all over.
For fun I used to jump on the curbs in my
cul-de-sac.
It turned into a game called "Granny Jim Jams".
When I was 11 years old I was crowned King
of Granny Jim Jams.
Me and my friends used to run through town
and jump on all the curbs we could find.
We'd spit on the yellow curbs near the hospital
and make fun of the old people in wheel chairs.
When I was 12 years old, my grandpa put on
his old Nazi uniform that he stole from some
dead kraut fuck he merc'd in the war.
We transferred schools soon after.
At the next school we played Granny Jim Jams,
but we called it Funk Funk Howser Cunt.
You wouldn't believe the excitement in a 12
year old boy who had no place to express their
male aggression.
It was a quiet school run by a Nicaraguan
Ex-Pat named Keetwa.
I remember him smelling like lamb and paprika.
But he made up for it in donations to Isreal.
By the time I was 16, I was the greatest Funk
Funk Howser Cunt the world had ever seen and
I placed 3rd in the Granny Jim Jams International
Competition.
That wasn't gonna be the last you heard of
me.
I had big plans for this world.
I was gonna be a force to be reckoned with.
Granny Jim Jams and Funk Funk Howser Cunt
had become the motivation that wakes me up
in the morning.
There's something about it.
Something about jumping on curbs that's so
exhilarating.
You wanna come down on it with all strength,
like your stomping out a baby of perfection.
The white, Christian baby.
Style points awarded and can be cashed out
for bitcoins.
If you know anything about being cool, you
don't have to try to be cool.
You get the cool points for it anyway.
That's where all the money is anyway.
Kick that baby in the face and be awarded
300 style points to your online avatar in
less than 24 hours.
After I lost my virginity at 18 I found out
jumping on curbs can be violent.
Its called curb stomping.
Usually perpetrated by a weak people.
By this time I had given up on being the biggest
Funk Funk Howser Cunt and focused on being.
there for my Granny; Jim Jam or not.
I spent that whole summer trying open my mouth
as wide as the ocean.
Blue, free, and perpetual.
Its waves rolling back and forth.
A nature oscillation of time and matter.
When I was 18 years old I found out curb jumping
can be violent.